EDU Trending: When Bad Behavior and Civility Collide
What happens when chronically disrespectful and uncivil student behavior is allowed to go unpunished? In some cases, such actions hide behind the protected cover of “free speech?” In other circumstances, bad behavior - like absenteeism and classroom disruptions that lead to failing grades - are often attributed to student stress, and are protected, dismissed, or absolved under the guise of empathy.
Neither excuse is okay.
When civility and bad behavior collide, civilized society, values, and democracy start to crumble.
Melodramatic? Not really. Think about the following:
Example #1. You have invited a group of friends and family for dinner.
They are people who do not always agree, but they enjoy exchanging ideas and challenging
each other’s views. Your daughter (a college junior) will also be there.
At one point, your daughter stands up and loudly begins to mock what someone has said. When that person tries to explain, she raises her voice and adds some insults to her diatribe. Your guests go quiet.
You are mortified. Whether or not you share your child’s views, you are aghast at her rude behavior, lack of respect, refusal to listen to any other opinion. You direct her to apologize. She will not. You order her to leave the room. Then youapologize to your guests and mumble something about free speech. The evening comes to an abrupt and embarrassing end.
Does this mean that young adults have no right to hold and express strong opinions, or to protest? No. It does mean that free speech applies to all, should be supported by factual knowledge, be presented without shouting, rancor, or name-calling in a civilized, respectful, and conversational manner. And that those who speak must then become those who listen. And there should be policies and disciplines at school and at home that are immediately enacted – despite the furor that will follow.
Example #2. Your son (a sophomore in high school) is struggling to maintain good grades this year. His absenteeism rate has soared. Teachers report that he regularly cuts classes or instigates disruptions when he does attend. At home, he is withdrawn and sometimes rude.
You love and support your son. You know he is smart. You believe he is acting out because he is stressed due to testing that seems endless, a falling G.P.A., looming college applications, and fear of failure. You think he just needs to get out from under the pressure, and he will be okay.
You have an ally because your son’s school - with an eye on graduation rates - agrees with you. Three weeks of summer school or an on-line credit recovery program replace a semester of failing grades with a passing one. Completion of extra credit assignments help raise his G.P.A., and intense private tutoring results in solid scores on the next round of standardized tests.
All is well. But is it? Your son still skips school and cuts classes. He still seems angry and depressed. You are worried. You want him to be happy and successful. What can you do?
What you cannot do is ignore the behavior. There are no excuses for uncivilized, unacceptable bad acts. There should be consequences that help children restore balance and perspective to their lives.
Does this mean that students who are overwhelmed and anxious, cut classes or skip school, should be punished rather than receive understanding and help? Not punished, disciplined. Bad behavior is not a solution to bad grades or stress. (Neither are programs that give out passing grades with little student accountability for earning them.) It fosters more anxiety and insecurity. Relieving stress, at school or home, requires time. Different strategies help students learn how to manage their emotions and responsibilities rather than avoid them and prioritize social/emotional well-being over a G.P.A.
We do our children and our students no favors by offering easy outs. We must have the courage to insist on good behavior and role-model polite ways to dissent or ask for help. We should establish guidelines, structure and holistic expectations that create a predictable, calm, and safe environment where everyone will be seen and heard. Civilized behavior clears space for students to achieve their dreams and contribute to a strong democratic society.
News for Your Views: The Choice Is Yours
If you have comments to share about this month’s articles, please email me: merle@merleschell.com Include Unpacking Education in the subject box. Using first names only, I will post some of your thoughts the following month. Thanks.
Can ChatGPT out-Google Google? How might Google respond? Will all Internet users be affected?
Dehumanizing women in the interest of inclusivity. Pregnant persons? Expectant mothers? Maybe the phrase “pregnant women” will do?
Political correctness run amok as an appropriations bill stalled while politicians squabbled over the “most inclusive” label for women who are with child.
Author Amy Tan sought the comfort of nature and the birds in her backyard as respites from a divisive world. Her charming text and gorgeous illustrations are the result: A double gift. Published just in time for spring. Enjoy!
What’s wrong with being middlebrow? Absolutely nothing! This article discusses the relatability of a poet whom some deride for using words and images that are simple and clear rather than obscure. Listen to Mary Oliver read “The Summer Day” and judge for yourself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBPHUE961zI&ab_channel=GBNews
Question of the Day: Bringing Civility Back to School
We have become expert at naming the many problems facing students, parents, and educators in K-12 public schools (especially in economically disadvantaged areas). One educator’s solution was to start a school in a poor section of a large city, founded on the culture: “No excuses.” Today that learning institution is rated “outstanding” in which country:
Finland
South Korea
England
Germany
United States
For the correct answer, see www.merleschell.com/blog/no-excuses-michaela-community-school
From Me to You: Good Things Take Time
Writing is easy compared to the rules and regulations of publishing. So, we are slowing down the process to get everything right. We will keep you posted on the publication of:
Ten Things Teens Can Do
to take control, love yourself, and find joy.
